Most of you have noticed by now that, on International Women’s Day, I opened up (more than usual) on social media about my #3YearGoals and specifically, my thoughts on having little jet-set babies. A lot of my friends, peers, acquaintances, and fans, who have since seen me in person have been wanting to know more about what my plans are when it comes to my career, my fitness goals, my financial success and where pregnancy fits into all of that. So, I’m expanding on the subject today.
The whole reason behind the #3YearGoals campaign stems from the fact that most millennial women find the typical 5-year goal timeline quite daunting. In fact, 85% of Canadian millennial women said that 3 years is a much more realistic timeframe within which they feel more empowered to set (and accomplish) goals. Coming from someone who lives her life week by week, I completely agree. Sometimes people ask me, ‘oh what are your plans for the summer?’ and I just stare blankly into their eyes. ‘Summer? Sorry, is today Tuesday or Wednesday?’
Write Your Goals Down!
Every so often, though, it helps me to write down my goals so I don’t let time run away with me. Like for most women, my top ranked priority is my career. I live and breathe my career goals every single day. I want to hit 100K followers on Instagram. I want to have my blog turned into a bestselling book. I want to make $100K in 2016. (Too personal?) Well, they are lofty goals but they keep me going.
My career has led me to travel the world, which is also a high priority on my list. I have a trivial goal of doing bow pose in every single continent until I can no longer get my leg over my head. I rue that day but for now, I’ve done bow pose in Miami on the beach, in Punta Mita, in Hawaii, Dubai’s desert, and hopefully I’ll get to do it in Italy, the Indio valley, and in the streets of Hong Kong by the year’s end.
Another goal for me is to get married. Tie the knot. Get hitched. Do the macarena. Whatever people are calling it these days. Most of you know I don’t want a wedding – so that’s off my list and every time I think about it I cringe. Like, can we just do it in the middle of the night like a Beyoncé album? But for some reason everyone keeps asking me two questions: When am I getting married, and, when am I having kids.
I’ll tell you this much. I want kids way more than I want a wedding. The minute I turned thirty it was like a biological clock went off inside of me: BABIES, BABIES, BABIES!!!!!!! Unfortunately, my partner did not have the same epiphany, and the career woman inside of me was also not pleased with this hormonal turn of events. Plus, our dog, Sofia, is already a handful!
Babies (like dogs) take A LOT OF WORK!
I mean, if you look at the statistics, 75% of millennial women say an unintended pregnancy would make it difficult for them to achieve their goals. I totally get it. Being a mom is serious business. I know a lot of new moms. They all say the same thing. No sleep and no life. Sure, the men help, but in most heterosexual relationships it falls on the woman to do the very thing she was biologically programmed to do: BE A MOM.
One friend told me she is only breast-feeding via the pump so that the task of feeding can be equally shared between her and her partner. Many women, so exhausted from the lack of sleep, just keep the baby in bed with them so that feeding at 3am isn’t so painful. Now, imagine doing all of that while recovering from a C-section surgery. You get an email from your boss or a potential client in the middle of all that? Sorry, no one is answering that email. And you know what – the opportunity is going to go to the next person who isn’t walking around with a small human latched onto their nipple.
#SquadGoals #MyTeam
It’s a sad fact of life. Unless you’re wildly rich and can hire a team of people to run your business and/or help take the baby when you have to be a boss, it is extremely challenging to nurture your career and be a mom at the same time, all by yourself. One is bound to suffer. That’s why a lot of women end up giving up on their dreams or delay them to become stay-at-home moms. When I think about that prospect it makes me both sad and excited. I would love to be a stay-at-home mom and really experience the joys of raising children – but at the same time, I would feel like a bit of a failure when telling people that I gave up my career. I might even resent my partner for being successful – how could I not? I’m only human.
That’s why I think it’s really important to have a plan of attack. (I’m aggressive about it, and my boyfriend wants to murder me whenever I talk about the “plan”). But, it’s true. If we want to have a child by the time I’m 35, we need to factor in 9 months to bring the baby to term and then about 7-10 months of trying to conceive. Work backwards and do the math. Scary.
Ipso facto, we have about 3 years to get our shit together.
We just aren’t ready financially, emotionally, and physically (on my part hehe) to have a baby right now. It doesn’t mean we/I don’t want one, it just means we are being super responsible about that decision. We’re not going to leave it up to chance – having a baby right now would be the end of my blog; I need it to be just a bit more stable before I start bombarding you guys with posts about which stroller to buy and Jessica Alba.
Talk About it!
So, we talk about contraception. A lot. It’s important to be open about it. I hate that women feel dirty or promiscuous when admitting that they are “on the pill.” Some of my friends have to hide their birth control from their parents, or say it’s only for acne, because taking that little pink pill is seen as wrong. Others rush into a corner to take it so that no one sees. I think woman should be championed for family planning and being responsible, not shunned. How many accidental pregnancies could have been avoided if there was more information out there on how to be smart about contraception, and if there wasn’t such a stigma about it. I’d hate to know that number.
I’ll be doing a few more posts as the year goes on the subject of contraception and career goals, so feel free to email me or leave a comment at the bottom of the post if you have any questions or if you just want to put in your two cents. And be sure to visit birthcontrolforme.ca for more information and talk to your healthcare provider if pregnancy isn’t part of the plan, for now or for a long time. For more inspiration, follow the Dufour Lapointe sisters, who are also participating in the #3YearGoals campaign.
This post was sponsored by birthcontrolforme.ca, however the opinions on the topic are my own.
Yes, to such a cool blog post! Very unexpected, but in a great way. I’m a huge fan of my arm implant (in the states it’s either Nexplanon or Implanon, depending on the hormone type.) It’s about the size of a Q-tip, goes into the inner part of your upper arm, and lasts for 3years! I’m starting my last year of it and will be getting a new one put in right away. It’s a super option for those who don’t want the pill and those who are too squeamish for an IUD (nope, nada, zip, you’d need to give me 3 xanax before I got that sucker put in..ehhhh) It’s strange to think back to a time when I used to take a pill everyday!
Happy 3 year planning!
ps: you know your some day child is going to be the complete opposite of you two and like completely fashion void, right ;) high waters and velcro sneakers all the time :p
I want to say this respectfully because truly my intent is not to be offensive, as baby talk is always very personal. But what is up with women who are 30+ with partners who are not supportive of the baby dreams, or don’t seem to understand how critical and urgent the planning is. I mean, geez – for women, having a baby is so physically taxing on the body. To delay pregnancy past 35 can mean invitro which is often really scary. What loving partner would want his girlfriend/wife to undergo this when having a baby earlier could relieve some pain and possibly a lot of disappointment (if baby dreams don’t come true when they are put off indefinitely).
As for being emotionally ready to have a baby, I don’t think anyone is.
Anyway, your bf should not get mad at your for planning. You want it all, you work for it all, and you deserve it all, girl!
Thank you so much for being really honest about this and saying the things that some women are afraid to say, me included. Life is all about compromise so I think making the compromise for give a take 2-3 years is OK, but when it comes to putting you in a whole different age bracket, then you gotta really think if your compromise has just been for someone who is being selfish. Unfortunately, guys can biologically have babies whenever. So, they instinctively don’t feel any urgency. Whereas for women, IDK what happens, but literally have a chemical reaction inside that all of a sudden makes us want to have babies. (many of my friends have described this switch as so, and I’ve experienced it, too). So then you’re doing a juggling act of planning for a baby, planning your career, life, finances, etc and trying to work against mother nature’s clock. I can see why guys don’t think that way, but I also think that if biology is the limiting variable, THAT’s the ultimate compromise. Thank you for your words! I really appreciate them. xoxoxo J