These are my confessions. Just when you thought I said all I could say to disparage my body, lemme tell you about my disproportioned shoulders. I idolize but two types of women, those with broad shoulders and those with long torsos. Today it’s the girls who can walk into a store and purchase an off-the-rack shirt, and have it fit their shoulders (and their rack) perfectly.
You see, dear friends, my shoulders barely clear my ears when it comes to width, making it extremely difficult to find a shirt that fits me. It can go one of two ways: a shirt fits my shoulders and busts my bust or there’s room for the ladies, with a most unflattering droop over each shoulder making me look like a narrow, prepubescent teen in grownup digs on ‘take your kid to work’ day.
But enough about me. Instead of lamenting and whining day in and day out on this so-called blog, I took my dreams to look like Emmanuelle Alt into my own hands. In reality, I bestowed my body issues into the hands of my tailor, Gian-Paolo Mazzotta, who made me my first bespoke white shirt, and the first shirt that ever fit me properly. Thank you.
Gian-Paolo Mazzotta also does bespoke shirts (and suits, and a bunch of other things) for men – luck ducks, those members of the opposite sex. Even though the suit and tie is primarily a menswear staple, some women, like me, find it amusing – and sometimes necessary – to rock the classic dress shirt. I’ve also taken to taping my boobs down so as to rid my outfits of cleavage and all the vulgarity it engenders. Am I turning into a man? We’re not ruling anything out at this stage.
Thank goodness for a lace skirt and pumps. This brunch outfit is very, thanks to Zara, Burberry SS14. Christopher Bailey did a drop dead gorgeous lace pencil skirt for the English fashion house this season and so did an anonymous factory worker in South Asia for a certain Spanish fast-fashion conglomerate. Everybody wins.
Photography by Alexander Liang.