I met my music producer, L-Spex, by chance. I was in the middle of my Gabby B May Cause Miracles 40-days, and I hadn’t quite figured out that I was going to pursue singing. I had, however, started to deal with the fears surrounding my voice. I started to admit to myself that if I was going to do a clean sweep, bringing every single fear to the fore, I was going to have to sooner or later, deal with why I don’t sing in front of people. AKA my biggest fear.
I was in bed one night and I got an email from a clothing brand, Brand New Day, with their lookbook attached. I skipped the email thinking whatever, there’s never any money in lookbooks. And my inner voice corrected my fear. It said, OPEN THAT EMAIL, IMMEDIATELY! It was weird but I was already beginning to surrender, so I knew I had to listen to that voice.
Luc’s lookbook was great – I knew I had to style one of his t-shirts, there was just something about them. So, I emailed him and we decided to meet up.
The day we met up was so crazy. He lost his wallet on the streetcar, was panicked and stressed – he was almost going to cancel. I told him not to worry that we should just grab a drink, get some food, chat, and I would help him get back home. My calming energy had such a positive effect, so much so, that during our meeting he had this eureka moment where he realized he might have left his things at the coffeeshop he was at earlier. He decided to call them, and voila, turns out they had his stuff!
This event was really important for me because it reinforced my belief that our energies are real AF. Instead of freaking out with him or conversely, not caring, I knew I could be a pillar of support and hope. Remember, I never met this person in my life, I owed him absolutely nothing. Instead, I treated him how I would treat my best friend. And that choice, I really believe, allowed a miracle to happen.
Because you know what? After he found out his stuff was safe, we began to open up more and more to each other, both relieved and elated. Luc told me that in addition to his clothing line, he’s also a musician. I told him I grew up with music but never pursued it because I had a traumatic experience in the children’s chorus that left me unable to project, it left me with a debilitating fear. Shocked, he said, “Justine, no. You must sing. You have to do it. If it’s what you love, you should try.” He told me how he taught himself to sing falsetto, how to make beats, how to play guitar, how to rap, all by himself, in spite of life dealing him a hard hand with other stuff that he also told me about.
I was so inspired. I thought, at the very least, I could listen to his music and maybe play some piano for him on a track cuz there’s no way I was going to sing. He sent me his music the next day and after a minute into his first song I was like holy shit, this guy is talented beyond. A few days later, he sent me a beat.
A beat. What do I do with a beat? All I felt comfortable with at that point was laying some chords. So I did. We decided to meet up and jam a bit, see what we could come up with.
“But first things first,” he said to me when he came over, “I gotta hear your voice.”
I was shaking. You don’t understand. My throat starts to close when I have to sing in front of people. Tears swell up in my eyes and I have this pain in my vocal chords that feels like someone is sticking a knife in them. But, I was now almost halfway through my Gabby B plan, and I knew that I had to face my fear.
I closed my eyes, put on a Sam Smith song that I like, and sang. I sang shaky. My voice cracked here and there. I wanted to barf or cry or both. I kept saying sorry in between verses. I didn’t dare look him in the eyes.
“You have such a pretty voice.” Luc said when the torture was over. “I know that was hard for you, but you gotta sing. The more you sing, the better you’ll get. You got this.”
That day we wrote our first song together, and it was the happiest I felt since I could remember.
He tells me now that the day I sang for him he was taking a huge chance on me. He came over to maybe make music even though he had never heard me sing before. “Something I would absolutely never do,” he told me afterwards. But he always reminds me, I took a chance on him. I never met him before or heard of him from Adam, and yet I offered to style his t-shirts, give him food and money to get on the bus, without even knowing anything about him. That really meant something to him. So, when we decided to have a jam session, he gave me the same benefit of the doubt. And we’re both so glad we did.
You get what you give.
Here’s some pics from that day: