I honestly cannot believe it is already July. I started this year with a foreboding feeling – like a warning sign. I even wrote a blog about taking time for myself and 2017 being the year of introspection, self-healing, pause. You saw it all unfold. First it was Gabby Bernstein, then it was the realization that I want to pursue my true passion, music, and there hasn’t been much news since. Sure, I’ve kept quiet, unsure of the right time to share or what to share or how??? I’ve taken it day by day.
Like, I literally have stopped trying to control the outcome of my life. Me, MRS. CONTROL, has let go of the reins. And it is absolutely the most amazing feeling in the whole world. Holy shit, it’s like floating on air.
So, a couple of weeks ago I started to think that I should update you guys. The first thing I want to share is a journal entry I wrote in March, right before I met Luc, my music producer. It’s a day that was really hard. I was in the middle of my Gabby Bernstein, May Cause Miracles, 40 day meditation plan. If you read my Las Vegas Travel Diary, you’ll know that I put singing out of my mind because it scared me the most to do it out of anything.
Where am I now? Well, I want to share behind the scenes photos, videos, journal entries, moments, lyrics, song titles, etc, just documenting the entire creative process that has been taking place while I was radio silent over here. I want to talk about why I have ultimately decided to stop accepting sponsored posts, and why I don’t feel like the “influencer industry” is where I belong, and why it took so goddamn long to finally admit that to myself.
But today, I want to start with this journal entry because it is personal, raw and embarrassing. I want to show you guys that being weak is not something to be ashamed of. People (even those who seemingly look successful) are not always confident and sure of themselves. Even to this day, I still catch myself allowing paralyzing feelings of anxiety to come over me. Letters like this are what I do when I feel down and unsure. When I feel that fear come over me, I literally write it down. And let my inner guide lead me on a stream of consciousness, eventually re-affirming my commitment to love.
Self-love is so fucking important. But a lot of us don’t know how to achieve self-love because we feel guilty about it. We think it’s better/safer/comforting to feel badly or sorry for ourselves than to give ourselves an applause. Which, is so backwards, when you really think about it. Yet, this is something, I for one, struggled with my whole entire life. Actually, self-love really starts with realizing that we cannot be harmed. Every single thing that happens to you can be looked at through the lens of love or fear. Even the shitty things. When you choose love, you see that we are all connected. I literally want to show each and every person who reads this how much I love them, even the people who don’t read this, are deserving of love.
We spend so much time shitting on other people. Getting mad that they “hurt” us or did us wrong, or they are stupid, or undeserving. Every time we think that way about someone else, we are thinking that way about ourselves. We are shitting on ourselves. It’s like, raining shit up in here.
There has to be another way. My music is something that reminds all of us to choose love over and over again. Even if we make mistakes, even if we are hurt, even if in the moment it seems so hard. The Universe will hear your call for love and help you to heal. You don’t have to do it alone. I didn’t do it alone. There is something out there that is guiding me, that gives me unwavering hope and peace; and it will guide you too, just ask.