Zara shorts // Forever 21 top // TOMS sunglasses // Dodo le Parisienne ballet flats
Alexander Wang is rumoured to be leaving Balenciaga for another fashion house located on Earth 2.0. The only problem is, the newly discovered Kepler planet is 1,400 light years away. Wang has also been spotted spending long nights in his New York studio pretending to work on his SS16 line while a former employee told the press just last week, “Alex finished SS16 months ago.” So, what is Mr. Wang up to? Some sources say he is working on an interstellar vehicle that would reduce the 24 million-year trip to Kepler-452b to oh, about the time it takes us to go from Pre-Fall to Resort.
Sources say Mr. Wang isn’t the only too-cool-for-earth designer making plans for an extraterrestrial departure. Just last Tuesday, Karl Lagerfeld whispered into Kendall Jenner’s ear that if she let him take her to Mars he would personally make sure “that Gigi girl” never books another campaign anywhere in the entire galaxy. Of course, Gigi and Kendall refer to one another as “bae” on Insta but the girls are actually arch rivals. Both Yolanda and Kris, the girls’ respective mothers, have been looking to other G2-stars for prospective gigs for the girls. As long as there’s a WiFi signal, that is.
Scientists cannot confirm just how many fashion houses there are in the Milky Way but the estimates are in the millions. Don’t worry, LVMH and Kering are both key players in the interstellar marketplace, which should come as no surprise as Bernard Arnault is actually of alien descent. When asked if he was planning on making a trip back home to see his extraterrestrial relatives during the summer holidays, Arnault scoffed: “Not unless that Wang character has my spaceship ready by Le Bastille.”
Could all signs be pointing to another dimension? Has Mercedes Benz pulled out of NYFW in order to buy Kepler Fashion Week? Who will be front row and how will editors find downtime in between Milan and the exoplanets? Will the terrain be high heel-friendly? Is Bill Cunningham’s blue jacket capable of shielding the entire fashion pack from harmful cosmic radiation?
These are the many questions being addressed on Twitter and beyond – the good news is that apparently the phenomenon of the “fashion blogger” is unique to our planet. Is this yet another example of the handy work of Riccardo Pozzoli or is the fashion blogger species really out of this world?
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