Jetset Beauty | In Response to Man Repeller’s Brazilian Wax

Jetset Beauty | In Response to Man Repeller’s Brazilian Wax

Just a few weeks ago, the ladies over at Man Repeller HQ published an article narrating a Soul Cycle class vis-à-vis the Brazilian wax: “Soul Cycle and Brazilian waxes are alarmingly, if not conspiratorially, alike.” The ups and downs of pseudo-hills and very, very real labia, made for the ride – and wax – of your life. No pain, no gain, right? 

We’ve all been there. Undergoing extreme torture for ostensible beauty (I mean, how pretty can a vagina really be? And don’t come at me with your Vajazzled Vajayjay – I won’t have it!). As I tell my boyfriend, who thinks a brazilian wax appointment ranks a 12.5 on the 1 to 10 scale of awkwardness: it’s part of being a pretty woman.

Despite allegations claiming “the bush is back”, as far as this city is concerned, we’re hairless in Toronto. At a recent pow-wow I fielded waxing horror stories from a group of girls – including me – who were temporarily estranged from their loves on Valentine’s Day and on the upside, using the time apart to grow out their pubic hair.

One of my friends (let’s call her Lucy) recounted that time in Korea when an aesthetician ran out of the room with her hands over her eyes after Lucy motioned for her to wax EVERYWHERE. Lucy – who still doesn’t speak Korean – has since become an autodidact of the at-home brazilian wax. Other stories included posing on all fours, jungle-themed discourses and body trimmers gone rogue.

In the midst of all this, Allure Body Bar invited me to try their Quickzilian: an 8-minute brazilian wax that promised to rock my world. How apropos, I thought, scheduling my appointment just a few days before my boyfriend (who will surely give this article a 15 out of 10 for awkward) came home from Europe.

It sorta went like this:

3:00 pm: I undressed and lay down on my back.

3:05 pm: I was hairless.

What happened in those 5 minutes can only be described as heaven. Yup, I’m serious. Alaa – I don’t let anyone wax me unless we are on a first name basis – ripped with such ease, as though she were playing a piano concerto by heart. Yeah, I just compared my brazilian wax to Bach. It was the fastest, most painless, most pleasant brazilian wax I’ve ever had in my life. In fact, it’s taken me more painstaking time to write this article than it did for her to wax my butt crack. Music to your ears, I bet.

After the appointment or as I like to call it “the drive-by,” Alaa equipped me with a pair of exfoliating gloves and a roll-on stick of PFB Vanish to fight ingrown hairs and any other ailments caused by hair removal. I like to use the gloves on my ladybits with Lovefresh body scrub, making that whole area extra soft and smooth. Heavenly? Just ask my boyfri– actually, don’t. You can take my word for it, the only country he’ll be visiting from now on is Brazil.

For the best wax of your life (I promise) call Allure Body Bar 416-461-2400 or visit them online at www.allurebodybar.com.

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