You already know how I feel about skirts that go above the knee and legs age 25 and over. Does the same rule of thumb apply to denim shorts? If one can turn mom jeans into cutoff shorts (as I did with my mom’s old CK jeans) is it the case that in cutting off the bottom two-thirds also removes any hope for anyone approaching motherhood and beyond in wearing them? In DIY-ing cutoffs, do you essentially cut out the “mom” in mom jeans?
Here’s the thing. The lower part of any woman’s buttock should never (despite what Kim K says) be visible in public. So this goes for all y’all girls walking around in tight-ass (literally) Abercrombie shorts please oh lord jesus give it up and let that company go bankrupt already. I cannot believe that some girls think it looks good to show the outline of not only their ass-cracks and vaginas but the skin accompanying those precious body parts as well. I’m not being prudish – trust me on this one – it doesn’t look sexy, it looks repulsive. The only time it is right to show the bum is when you’re on the beach and a Brazilian cut bikini is a must. I love them and will never give them up s’long as I continue to observe leg day at the gym.
That paragraph-cum-rant might have set some of you off and I dare say, there are few of you here now than at the beginning of this post. For those of you who have stayed, you’re about to be rewarded. The cut-off short – if it is extra oversized – is the only loophole in this aging mathematics I’ve set up in my mind. The cutoff jean is the asymptote of fashion. As you approach infinity (or old age) you’ll never be too old to wear cutoff shorts. Imagine a grandmother in cutoff shorts at the beach with a bathing suit? BITCHIN’! Or look at Tash Sefton of They All Hate Us. She’s a mature woman who can rock the cutoff short and a Goyard bag like nobody’s business.
You see, the cutoff short can be as long as you’d like it. It’s not form-fitting and actually makes your legs look skinnier than they are in real life. Optical illusion, asymptote, plain genius – whatever you want to call it, the cutoff short is confidently, confidentially yours to keep. Forever and ever, Amen.
So leave a comment if you agree or disagree – let’s hash it out.