I honestly cannot believe it is already July. I started this year with a foreboding feeling – like a warning sign. I even wrote a blog about taking time for myself and 2017 being the year of introspection, self-healing, pause. You saw it all unfold. First it was Gabby Bernstein, then it was the realization that I want to pursue my true passion, music, and there hasn’t been much news since. Sure, I’ve kept quiet, unsure of the right time to share or what to share or how??? I’ve taken it day by day.
Like, I literally have stopped trying to control the outcome of my life. Me, MRS. CONTROL, has let go of the reins. And it is absolutely the most amazing feeling in the whole world. Holy shit, it’s like floating on air.
So, a couple of weeks ago I started to think that I should update you guys. The first thing I want to share is a journal entry I wrote in March, right before I met Luc, my music producer. It’s a day that was really hard. I was in the middle of my Gabby Bernstein, May Cause Miracles, 40 day meditation plan. If you read my Las Vegas Travel Diary, you’ll know that I put singing out of my mind because it scared me the most to do it out of anything.
Where am I now? Well, I want to share behind the scenes photos, videos, journal entries, moments, lyrics, song titles, etc, just documenting the entire creative process that has been taking place while I was radio silent over here. I want to talk about why I have ultimately decided to stop accepting sponsored posts, and why I don’t feel like the “influencer industry” is where I belong, and why it took so goddamn long to finally admit that to myself.
But today, I want to start with this journal entry because it is personal, raw and embarrassing. I want to show you guys that being weak is not something to be ashamed of. People (even those who seemingly look successful) are not always confident and sure of themselves. Even to this day, I still catch myself allowing paralyzing feelings of anxiety to come over me. Letters like this are what I do when I feel down and unsure. When I feel that fear come over me, I literally write it down. And let my inner guide lead me on a stream of consciousness, eventually re-affirming my commitment to love.
Self-love is so fucking important. But a lot of us don’t know how to achieve self-love because we feel guilty about it. We think it’s better/safer/comforting to feel badly or sorry for ourselves than to give ourselves an applause. Which, is so backwards, when you really think about it. Yet, this is something, I for one, struggled with my whole entire life. Actually, self-love really starts with realizing that we cannot be harmed. Every single thing that happens to you can be looked at through the lens of love or fear. Even the shitty things. When you choose love, you see that we are all connected. I literally want to show each and every person who reads this how much I love them, even the people who don’t read this, are deserving of love.
We spend so much time shitting on other people. Getting mad that they “hurt” us or did us wrong, or they are stupid, or undeserving. Every time we think that way about someone else, we are thinking that way about ourselves. We are shitting on ourselves. It’s like, raining shit up in here.
There has to be another way. My music is something that reminds all of us to choose love over and over again. Even if we make mistakes, even if we are hurt, even if in the moment it seems so hard. The Universe will hear your call for love and help you to heal. You don’t have to do it alone. I didn’t do it alone. There is something out there that is guiding me, that gives me unwavering hope and peace; and it will guide you too, just ask.
So beautiful Justine! I love this! And bravo for the raw honesty here. You’re a visionary! Sending lots of love.
Thanks so much, Mel! Sending love and light your way! xoxo J
You’re beautiful inside and out Justine..
Thank you Shauna, I hope you’re enjoying your break! xoxo J
It is a lovely, happier place to be when you let go of what others are doing and thinking and just focus on your own journey and road ahead. Success comes, happiness comes.
Buy rocks, burn oils, discover plants, read more, run 4 times a week not to look good but to treat your body with kindness, drink teas, water and GOOD wine.
Make a mental note to stop scrolling. Delete apps from your phone.
Things start falling into place…. :)
I hope you find the happiness you deserve! You seem to be on the right track
Hiiiiiii!!!! Thanks, Val! You’re so right. I’ve been doing lots of those thing over the past few months and when I look back, I see how much I’ve changed, for the better. I can’t wait to see what the future holds! xoxo J
THIS. Thank you for writing this and for being so open and honest. This industry isn’t for everyone and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with realizing it’s not your thing anymore. I think eventually everyone grows out of it because it has a shelf life, but I commend you for recognizing that it was doing more harm in your life than good. That can be really hard, especially when you’ve grown to be successful at it. Loving this new chapter you’re taking on and look forward to seeing more! xo
First of all. Thank you for sharing something so intense and personal. As a society we are afraid to admit vulnerability which hurts us all. I have a sincere question and I hope it is not too personal, if so I apologize and obviously you need not answer! Have you tried therapy? I am curious as to why you have chosen this path for healing?
Thanks. – looking forward to some tracks!!
Hey girl hey! Hope you’re doing well! Thanks for reading the post. For your question, yes I have tried therapy. Therapy helped me so so much a few years ago and through my parent’s split. It was the beginning of me seeing myself as not helpless. I suffered from separation anxiety and depression, so therapy really helped me to regain a sense of self. Now, I’m taking that sense of self and expanding on how I can help others. Therapy gave me the tools to get out of bed. Spirituality is giving me the tools to make a difference in other people’s lives. And to help me follow my dreams. I’ve come a long way since my days on the chair. I used to apologize for even feeling. I used to say I was the most insignificant person in the world and deserved to die. That was some fucked up shit.
Thank you , all the best in your music career!!
Being able to step about from a career or life choice is a big, scary step. I’m so proud of you and that you’ll still be finding ways to keep this site alive because it’s a gem. Thank you for bearing your soul and heart to us and not just the #LifeSoGreat #Blessed. I’ve been down on myself lately and this post reminded me I’m not alone and that it can get better.
We have two phrases in the recovery community that stick out. One is “let go and let God” (whatever “god/higher power” means to you.) It was a hard one for me to grasp because like you I was a controller and planner. And conversely the phrase “taking back your will” (aka: not getting out of your own way and controlling…and something I’ve been doing alll week.) Sounds like you totally have an understanding of” letting go and letting (music) god” and seeing what follows when you work hard but don’t micro manage :)
Great post Justine!
The best of life is a surprise. Just found your page and loved your writing. Wish you the best luck!
Hi Teresa! Thank you so much for the sweet comment. I hope I can keep writing and telling you guys how this is all turning out. It’s been nice to work on my music fully. xoxo J